On 'Los Angeles'
1/16/2022: A city defined by its extremes, Breasts & Eggs, TJs Cacio E Pepe Puffs, & more (:
At the E.P. & L.P. rooftop on a brisk January night, a table of 20-somethings sip $21, cherry-infused G&Ts and barely touch their vegan waffle fries.
“I’m not sure when I should pass Lenny the short script I’ve been working on. After two years here all I do is get him those pressed green drinks.” A girl with lip fillers and a slight New Jersey accent sloshes around the light pink sludge at the bottom of her glass. A guy with gelled brown hair and Golden Goose sneakers nods sympathetically. It smells like Tom Ford Soleil Blanc cologne and crushed dreams.
Welcome to Los Angeles. It’s 2022.
I’ve lived in Los Angeles for my entire life. I grew up in the San Fernando Valley’s sweltering suburbs. Before North Hollywood became a hotspot for transplants in search of cheaper rent, it was my high school stomping ground. I spent my teenage years driving up Laurel Canyon with my older sister. We’d blast The Shins and curve through the winding roads, stopping for frozen yogurt at Studio City Yogurt as the car thermometer rose.
My childhood was full of deep valley donut shops that doubled as Chinese food restaurants, In n’ Out burgers on the way to the Hollywood Bowl, chlorine-filled California pools, and lemonade stands. I didn’t realize that I grew up in a city defined by the young people coming to pursue a very specific version of the “American Dream.”
When you drive up the ribbon of the Pacific Coast Highway – from the overcrowded Santa Monica Pier all the way up to the gorgeous cliffs of Big Sur – it is easy to see why California is the place for dreamers. The geography has seeped into our psyches. We’ve all been infected with the frontier mentality – we are at the edge. Anything is possible when you are here.
In Los Angeles, the frontier mentality meets “the industry.” And by the industry, of course, I mean Hollywood. People who come to Los Angeles are specifically “Hollywood” dreamers – ambitious, at least slightly narcissistic, and seduced by the glitz and glamor of the big screen.
When you come here as a young person though, that dream can feel more like a nightmare at first. Getting by in the television and movie business has always looked a lot more like gig work than a stable nine-to-five. This isn’t necessarily harmful, but when you’re young and hungry and easily replaceable, you can quickly become a personal assistant who is dropping off baby food at a producer’s second home in Malibu at 11pm for minimum wage wondering, why did I come here in the first place?
In this vulnerable state, it seems as if young transplants can quickly get sucked into one of two ideological camps.
Camp one is the defeated, hopeless cynics. The screenwriter turned studio office manager, the Broadway actress doing commercial gigs. Almost everyone here has to compromise their dreams in some way. That’s a given and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But these ‘hopeless LA cynics’ won’t shut up about how terrible everything in this city is. Their rose-tinted glasses have been stained with bird shit and they can’t help but project it onto everyone else living here.
Camp two is those who cling onto the aesthetic obsession in this city. A lot of young people here are unsure how to fit into such a large, intimidating city, so they sink into the stereotype of Hollywood– the glitz and the glam. They see LA as a monoculture and want so badly to be a part of it. (See above: E.P. & L.P. patrons, Tom Ford Soleil Blanc Cologne).
Throughout my time at USC and since, I have watched countless friends come and go through this city. They come bursting with possibility – they rent closets in large homes in the hills that they use as bedrooms or cram eight people into a two bedroom apartment in Koreatown.
They do whatever they must in order to make things work in this cutthroat, expensive, often lonely city. Morgan hitchhiked here from a small town in upstate New York at 19 years old and slept in a woman’s emptied out pool in West Hollywood for his first two months here.
I’ve also watched a lot of people get defeated by this city and leave. They become frustrated and defeated by the ungodly traffic, the resulting lack of mobility, the exorbitant rents, and the toughness of the “industry.” They also seem to be fed up with the two ideological camps of “LA people.” They don’t know where they fit in. It makes me sad because I think that people get the wrong taste of Los Angeles when they only can see it through these two antithetical lenses.
The city seems to be defined by its extremes – you either ‘make it’ here or you don’t, you’re a rich and famous influencer at 23 or you’ve ‘settled’, everything here sucks or you choose to live in a naive, superficial bubble.
If we continue to define the city in this way we’re not getting to the core of what it really means to live here – which is to live in a chaotic, frustrating, surprising and beautiful in-between.
The other day I sat in LA traffic for over an hour. I was in a back-up on the entrance to the 10 East in Culver City for 20 minutes. Then I had to take a detour off the 110. I felt the rage rising through my body and I wanted to flip someone, anyone, off. But then I passed a random taco stand. I stopped and ordered two crispy fish tacos with salsa and a lovely conversation with the man making them. I ate them on the sidewalk, looking out at the Downtown skyline.
I felt the inertia of the city again. I got back in my car, ready to take on the rest of my drive.
Media –
Breasts and Eggs – Hey elephant roomies, Morgan here. Becca’s only giving me a few sentences to talk about Mieko Kawakami’s incredible Breasts and Eggs, so I’ll keep it short and sweet: this novel changed the way i understand women’s bodies. just when you think you have a handle on what you’re reading, Kawakami will pull the rug out from under you, slap you across the face with it and gently explain why the pain is good for you. i especially recommend it if you like haruki murakami but maybe don’t love how he introduces all of his female characters boobs-first — I mean, mieko kawakami sort of does that, but with a completely different intention.
Talking While Black - This American Life – Really powerful episode last week on the backlash after The BLM Movement in 2020 and censorship around black authors.
My piece on Joan Didion – shameless self promotion! I wrote about Joan Didion’s impact on my writing for BUST Magazine.
Trader Hoes –
“Pink and Whites” Cookies – Simply delightful. Brought me back to childhood with one bite of this sweet, buttery goodness. Just like circus animal cookies. Maybe better?
Greek Yogurt Guac – My mom loved this guac. A lighter, tangier version of your old school Avo mash.
Everything But The Elote Spice – Great on any Mexican dish!
Cacio e Pepe Puffs – Get these. Now. That is all.
Feel free to hit me with recs about what else you might like to hear about on this newsletter. I appreciate your support! See y’all next week.
Bex